MUHAHAHA

at my girlfriends house, cool right?

late night blogging

it's the best kind.

uhm i'm tired, i never sleep enough.

even when i have time to sleep, i feel like i'm wasting it by being asleep.

cause if something is truly interesting, i won't be phased by fatigue.

but that's just me...

uh. so being vague always is room for trouble.

and even if i say its not someone, they don't believe me. <-- vague

cause i could be talking about any of my followers.

but if i put names, i feel rude, orrr too personal.

or maybe it would be too personal to tell exactly who i'm having a problem with.

cause then i would have to explain so much else <-- vague.

pretty sure that's grammatically incorrect.

ha i haven't totally thrown english out the window, yet.

i don't know what i want to major in, but i have a feeling it will be something boring.

like mathematics. but, i'd have to try.

and i don't like trying.

i like just getting by.

maybe that's why our relationship is so hard <-- vague

mm i could probably count the people i consider friends on my right hand.

the thing is, i wonder if i would even come up on their hands, and feet.

i don't like labeling myself, cause then i start acting as my label.

but i think misanthrope fits.- i don't like people.

and the people i can see myself liking, i don't really know how to be their friend.

cause its already the end of junior year.

and all the cool people leave.

i don't fit in anywhere.

i think its about time i go batshit crazy.

cause i have been holding it in too long..

i wish you'd just stop caring <-- vague.

though i have to clear that up.

i mean my parents. i wish they would just give me money, and let me worry about the rest.

church sucks, being home sucks.

not having a car really sucks.

cause having a car would mean, i could enjoy myself thoroughly.

not having a car means i always have to be with someone.

do you see the problem?

i hate having direction.

i want to just float.

there are45465343 things i could tell you.

but 0 of it would actually help anything.

i don't trust anyone. <-- vague

it's come down to that.

cause when you look at it, everyone has their own interest deep down.

and that's okay.

i guess it is just apart of growing up.

the only thing there with you to the end is God.

and i can't really say person cause He's not.

maybe i should get more in touch...

just know, i love you <-- vague

it doesn't look like that's gonna change.

buuuut i'm hurting <-- vague

and i don't really know why.

i want to crawl in a hole.

i think i will for the first week of summer, it seems like a good plan.

the more i think about it, the less i want to take another SAT.

i'm damn near set on OU.

i just need to visit and make sure there are enough black people.

cause like Will "Da Real One" Bell says.

"see made ourselves believe that we didn't need each other

but how many times have you been in an all white situation

and been so fucking glad just to see another brother"

cause honestly. i don't care how diverse you are, you still see color.

or maybe it's just me.

uhm. i don't know what else to say.

i wish it was easy.

i like being foggy.

i like poetry.

i really like poetry.

music is amazing.

i can hear the pain in screamo.

rap just really doesn't do it.

cept for trae.

haha take the bass outta your voice.

i can't, i'm a man.

^^ vague.

i'm vague. good night.

wow

i can't seem to get out of this pissy ass mood.

everyday its something new, different.

i hate to complain, but its all i can do lately.

i don't like being me

i don't always like the way you treat me.

i know i'm supposed to forget what happened in the past.

but how can i.

and when you bring it up, i feel compelled to say what i'm actually thinking

like today, with the whole sudden break up.

i feel like that everytime.

and you continued to do it.

i know you don't plan on doing it again.

but did you ever really plan on breaking my heart.

i mean it makes you think.

well at least it makes me think.

apparently i'm losing touch with emotions.

i physically can't cry.

trust me, i tried to force myself to.

it doesn't help at all.

i want to be happy.

tomorrow starts my weight gain.

weight room for perhaps 3 hours? idk yet.

imma pick the world up and imma drop it on yo fuckin head.

the only lil wayne song where i actually like his rap, instead of just the other people or the beat

i am eternally pissed off. when does spring ball come.

i need to let out some anger.

i can't fucking wait to graduate.

you will never understand me. that's apparent.

what's worse is that you don't try.

you try to make me into something i will never be.

you don't support me, besides money.

you think that your the only one who is suffering

there is a reason i don't come home.

FUCK. will i ever be happy?

i want to be an ignorant little kid again.

who thought his dad was the greatest person who ever lived.

matter of fact, i need to call that asshole.

he did fund my trip.

which was pretty nice, though it was the first band trip i have gone on that i didn't fool around with anyone.

new developments.

i'm tired of not being able to trust people.

but the people that had it, lost it.

and few people had even earned it.

ha. such a pessimist...

16 minutes

to write a blog

until the greatest show ever.

MY WEEKEND WAS EPIC!!!!

3 days in galveston. and no school monday.

i think that's pretty nice...

anyway.

i'm losing the concept of me.

i gotta stop.

it's all getting cloudy.

ha. well. i don't want to.

well i do. cause i'm risking you.

but besides that.

it's the only thing that works until football season.

if i make it.

stop caring about me.

i'll use it against you.

the longer i live the less people i need.

i can take care of myself.

my hand magically just stopped hurting :D

i'm failing physics. fuck it.

i'm pretty sure i want to go to OU. just far enough.

uhm, i think that's it. it only took me... 5 minutes :O

someone fucking text me with good convo.

urgh

nothing ever goes right for me.

i hate the way we fight

and how i never know what's gonna happen next

i'm vulnerable, i hate it.

i spent all freakin day at a track meet, didn't get to run.

i hate my coaches.

i have been talking to my dad more, twice this week.

that's nice, i guess.

i need a car, anyone want to help?

anything but homework

ugh we said we would be happy.

now we're fighting again.

over sleeping.

this is stupid...

i want to quit everything.

so i have more time for you.

seriously.

tracks almost over. then like another week of band

then i'm free.

i wanna see how things are then...

anyway, i'll try to update more... eh.

back to 250 things. BOOOOO

EDIT:

fuck i forgot about spring ball :/ shit never stops...

poker face (live)

is amazing.

i need to blog more apparently, but i only blog when fun shit happens.

or really bad shit.

both happened this weekend.

lets run it down...

3 day weekend. BEST EVER.

thursday night, movie night at ginny's.

everyone there was cool except one obnoxious girl...

we watched blindside... i had already seen it

uhh then i went home and slept.

next, the day of epicness.

8 am. awake getting ready.

10 am. in car with matt, jony, and cornell

12 beach.

the best part of the beach was the alcohol.

a bottle of crown between about 5 or 6 of us.

then we went to mongo's.

then party at aprils. which was pretty chill.

i almost had to kill someone cause these faggots can't take no for an answer. bullshit.

anyway. my weekend was amazing. except for a hiccup friday night.

but we won't dwell on that will we now...

i don't really feel like blogging.