i finally realized...

i realized that i'm the big picture kind of person.

like i don't pay attention to small details, rather the larger goal at hand.
which is why i don't get along with alot of people.

because people that like to pick about smaller things piss me off to no end.
cause honestly. in a week we're not going to remember whether or not we made this turn or that one

but we will remember we got there.

so why dwell on small things.
when the larger goal is still reached...

ahh. perhaps this could even apply to my relationships.

i don't look at the small things that make relationships work, rather the larger picture of being in said relationship...

honestly, i'm too tired for philosophy tonight. i think i have had to spell check every other word in this entire thing.

good night peeps.

Headache of Death

soo i usually don't get headaches.
from things that i should get the fromm.

like football and other extra curricular activities that usually give them :)
buut apparently. somewhere along the way. i acquired headaches of death

i mean, they probably have some fancy names. that i don't care to know

but currently. one is residing in my cranium... i haven't used that word in forever.
andd it was brought on by not wearing my glasses.

Now. lets think about that. i throw my head at 200 pound people. everyday for about 3 months
but no headaches. andd i get one from NOT wearing my glasses when i wake up. i mean. seriously

the body is retarded.

in other news...

alot of people around me are having really shitty times in life.
and i'm not really in a position to help.

don't get me wrong. my life isn't all pie and cake either.
but i have reached a plateau i think.

cause things just don't seem important to me at all.
theres a word for it... i think its apathy? without emotion

haha i was right

ap⋅a⋅thy

1.	absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.

i think i'm leadin towards suppression... it works for now.

urrm each day that goes by. i think its getting worse. NOT suppressing you.

and that was bad phrasing...

i wish that i could be everybody's everything.
cause i think... emotionally i could do it.

since everyone wants to be my friend now.
and when i say everyone. i mean all the people i care about way too much to be just another friend

i feel like we're all living our lives like myspace. and if i'm not on your top. i'm just not making the cut.

oh well. i need to reach out to people more.
but lately it just hasn't been working. i think i'm too late...

I NEED A CAR!!!!

idk if i have posted that before... since i hadn't blogged in quite a while.

oh and while i'm writing this what feels like a tremedously long blog...

i just have to say i'm tired of ghetto people.
now ghetto people doesn't have a color

cause everyone thinks its cool to be ghetto, right? WRONG

in case you haven't read a book lately.
ghetto is a state that you should be trying to get out of, not embracing.

that's from a shihan poem i think...


ignore the he's sick of apathy part. cause he cna get over it

that's pretty much. the complete and honest truth.

this has gone on long enough... i'll post another some other time.

i messed up

but.. what's new?

this is gonna be short,
cause i really don't feel like typing anything at all

it seems like, lately,
anything that i could have messed up myself

i did. like. not just normal, an apology will get me by.
but like one of those even if they forgive you they won't forget things

ohh well. its my own damn fault. toooo greedy.
andd noot caring(nor thinking) enouggh.

soo. today. minus one person.
i'm completely starting over.

^^^ that pretty much means i'm not talking to girls until school starts
in our FREAKING HUGE ASS school.

one of these days. imma go in there and find my own little hiding spot.
perhaps somewhere with enough room to lay down.
soooo i can take a nap when i'm tired of school :D

i'm sorry. i hope you change your mind...
although. its probably best you don't...

omg.

i have written 3 blogs today.

none of which shall be posted tonight.
two of which may never be posted.

but i just wanna leave a short blog.
to tell you how i feel

andd i'll take a cue from a friend... and make up names then talk about them :D

Jessica. i'm not quite sure how i feel about what you wrote. its not really where i want our relationship to be. but. its understandable. yet...idk. i'm having mixed feelings about it. i'll probably talk to you about it later... :/ when i figure out what it is i'm feeling.

and... your name is gonna be... Lacy. i don't know what i did... but. your acting incredibly strange. and to be honest... your not really worth the headache your giving me. because. with your pattern of irregularities and my almost mystical planning... its a train crash waiting to happen.

Casey... you randomly message me out of nowhere and thenn shoot the shitt for all of 10 minutes. dont know what the fuck that was about... but i intend on finding out... cause your kinda messin up this thing with...

Macy. Yes i know all the names rhyme except for Jessica. because Jessica can't really be put into the same category as you other three. cause she simply means so much to me. another rhyme. damn. anyway. Macy. i have talked to you about... two nights. randomly. we shud go back to the good ol days. no feelings attached. soon as we figure out the Casey scenario.

I need a Stacy... just to start all over with... then maybe she can be a... Rebecca. that sounds good.