fml

"she said i prefer a broken neck to another broken heart" - amir sulaiman

soo. in total. this weekend has sucked.
in every aspect.
i need to place a phone call to a certain family member
before he yells at me... again :P

uhh. series of events
i tried. so hard. yet i fail.
again. whatever. its not THAT big of a deal

i was prepared this time around...
even though... i hope she still reads...
because... one day. i will need you.

just not anytime soon.
but when i do
i hope your still there

anyway..
my mom just ruined... EVERYTHING
instead of having a semi horrible weekend

and having the next couple of weeks make up for it.
i have had a terrible weekend.
leading into a terrible week
which will then transform into a depressing weekend.

apparently... nothing is ever good enough for her.
i got up. at 10 on a saturday. and mowed the front and back yards.
without her asking me.

and all she can do is complain... because i didn't clean up immediately
i was... exhausted.
thenn. the next day.

she tells me... i can't go to my best friends 18th birthday...
because we have to take a 22 hour road trip to see my cousins graduation.
which my entire family is already going to...

we have been planning this bday party since we have met..
and in a week. she decides that she make me do whatever she wants.
i refuse to miss this party.

i'm willing to fight for it.
whatever.

i am in a horrible ass mood.
anndd. very few people can get me out of it.

fml.

is it really worth it?

first of... this is two issues with two different people
which have the same basis.

o and this is the 2nd time this blog has gotten me in trouble
but... at the same time.
what else can i do?

uhh problem numero uno
your mad at me for something i wrote long ago
i understand why your mad

but... i really don't think it worth throwin away everything
especially after all we've been through.
which is why... i want to talk to you now...

but... its up to you now...
outta my hands..
:/

problemo number twoo
your being a bitch.
i'm trying really hard to salvage something
that isnt exactly worth it

and all you can say is ok.
all your doing is pissing me off...
because i'm trying to be there for you
cuzz i feel like no one will ever understand you like i can.

but. i am REALLY ready to give up.
on both of you.
and just start everything all over again.

part of me

Yea yea Yea yea yea.  Yea yea yea yea yea 
We live and we die life is full of surprises
and I cant get over the fact that your gone.
I try to realize your not part of my life.
But I still try to fight but it just don’t seem right.

Bridge
Cuz your not here anymore.
I can still see you walking out the door.
Your just a memory eee of what used to be.

Chorus
(Yeaaaa)Sitting with my head between my hands.
I know ill never get you back again.
I never meant to hurt you never meant to make you cry.
(Why am I surprised.) I am who I am because of you.
I’m sorry for the pain I put you though.
Baby its all just a dreeeeeam.
But your still a part of me.

V2
I didn’t think you do it. You really leave me.
If I did it would be different believe me.
Its easy to say baby I’m a change.
The very next day it was the back to the same.
Going though my phone finding new names.
I said it was business I was so lame.
You saw though it and held me down.
A real queen, you held that crown.
You made such an oppression on my life.
Natural progression was you to be my wife.
We talked family, we talked kids.
You thought I’d clam down, I never did.
I bought you home things from the rode before.
Malaysia, Australia silk form Singapore.
But what I give you this time you cant get rid of.
So you left me tired of this sick love.

Repeat chorus
Sitting with my head between my hands.
I know ill never get you back again.
I never meant to hurt you never meant to make you cry.
(Why am I surprised.) I am who I am because of you.
I’m sorry for the pain I put you though.
Baby its all just a dreeeeeam.
But your still a part of me.

Sitting here listing to the record you bought me.
Kinda blue original copy
You changed my life put me on to so much.
I miss our talks more then ya touch.
Such a fool to lose such a good thing.
You showed me parts of my city that I never seen.
Parts of myself that I never knew existed
Then I got famous I got it twisted!
You needed me I didn’t need you.
Find you a man that can do what I do for you.
I flew you to Rome I paid for this whole.
How you coming at me like you grown.
Forget what I did…on tour
I said I loved you, you needed more
Why you trippin you need to understand 
Sometimes a man's gotta be a man.

Repeat chorus
Sitting with my head between my hands.
I know ill never get you back again.
I never meant to hurt you never meant to make you cry.
(Why am I surprised.) I am who I am because of you.
I’m sorry for the pain I put you though.
Baby its all just a dreeeeeam.
But your still a part of me.

Music interlude……

Dam dam dam dam dam dam dam!
Walk in the house late, drink, stumbling,
I pass out you would come tack me in.
Where you at baby I need you
I never knew all the pain this would lead to
I’m sorry I lied, tried to deceive you
You said you'd leave but I didn’t believe you.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, girl
I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
baby I’m so sorry

Complications

i wonder who actually reads this...

anyway...
i have new found complications
ass.

i'm talking to my ex again.
the one i hate. hated. disliked.
something like that

i'm talking to this amazing girl.
i'm 2nd on her list
YAY :)

i played 7on7 today
tht was a waste of time
cuzz we didnt play for 2hrs.

aanyway...
i'm pretty much done with dating.
for awhile

cuzz. 1 i can't decide one girl to focus on
and 2. its just too tiring. and pretty much
POINTLESS

i was really thinking about inviting my ex over..
but that just seems like a bad idea
at least for noww...

i wanted to go to a party tonight
but apparently nothing is going down
which sucks :/

o well. the one friday
OMG
unfreakinbelievable

uhhh my dilemna seems to be.
indecision
as usual.

o and i still haven't talked to my dad.
which i haven't even thought about
cuz i have everything else mannn

omg summers almost here
i cant wait
i'm ecstatic

bad day

sooo i just had the worst day.
i have had in a very long time...
and the sad thing is... i have no idea why

like... i had something moderately bad happen
i broke up with my gf
buutt.. i've done that before...

and i really dont think thats the root of my problem
maybe its my indecision
on what happens next.

like... its gettin progressively worse
i can't even decide why i broke up with my gf
i just had to. today. for no reason really.

now. i'm talking to someone i thought i never would
and i don't understand why.
maybe cuz i'm tired of trying.

on the positive side...
i got invited to the 7on7 tournament.
Yay.

back to negativity.
i think i'm on my man period.
cuzz. i dont see anything happy happening anytime soon.

i think if i can just get past this weekend.
maybe, just maybe i'll make it.
o. and i really need to talk to my dad.

like. obviously avoiding the subject hasn't helped.
i havent seen him in a month. at least
not good.

the worst part about this...
is that usually. one person could make me feel better
i'm not soo lucky this time.. considering how i dont want anything, from anybody.

summer come quick..

its about

time i write again...

i'm in the 3rd week of spring ball
my coach is on my jock
constantly.

but i'm still not starting...
due to size concerns.
even though i'm always where i'm suppose to be. and make the play anyway.

anyway... my weekends have improved significantly
everyday is a party... seriously
friday, i have good clean fun after school with denzel and those guys

then right after that. me and ryan get together.
and raise hell.
anywhere. we. can.

we need more parties to go to...
throw a party
invite us
we will rock your world.

soooo i have this new addiction
same kinda as before... but very different
its unexplainable

the attraction is unbroken.
and random... incredibly random...
lets just say... i wish i hadnt gone to certain parties
BLAHAHAHAHAHA i have nothing to write about...

summer needs to come...
so i can see if i can make it...
through 3 months of parties.

i doubt it
haha