why should i expect things to be different

first. a warning. i'm writing out of extreme emotion.

soo don't take it completely seriously.

i have never been that close to crying.

i don't cry. btw.

why would i expect things to change.

why would i think that anything i could say would change what you think.

why would i even try.

why would i throw away my happiness.

for you.

just to put a smile on your face.

that you don't even appreciate.

you can't live day by day.

i can't live without you.

we have to fix something.

everything is fading.

thing is. nobody knows where i was today.

sooo its just me.

no help. no advice.

i'm pissed. i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm everything negative.

for 2 hours. it seemed like everything would work.

like it really didn't matter what was going on outside.

then you crushed it.

said it would never happen again.

don't you understand, things between us are better when we still see each other.

your trying to live some fairytale.

i'm no prince.

i'm just here.

for you.

tell me to come back again. i will.

no matter how much it hurts my pride, or dignity.

cause its for you.

if you knew how much i loved you.

maybe things would change...

The good, The bad, The ugly

So i just had this brilliant idea.

but i'm not gonna follow through.

so i won't post it.

it would be cool. if you did it though.

ask me about it.

It's alot of writing.

however. for this blog.

i will tell you the secrets of my high school life.

so far.

i made out with my best friend's aunt.

i made out with my cousin's friend, who ended up sleeping with me. (not sex)

i made out with cousin's girlfriend's cousin. interesting eh?

when i'm drunk i don't talk to girls.

i have had a crush on at least 3 of my teachers, including a band assistant.

i have had 3 girlfriends.

i cheated on two of them.

i have had kissed/made out with 10 girls.

i have touched 4. without ever kissing them.

i have fooled around in class with 3 girls.

i have smoked weed.

i have drank.

i have smoked cigarettes and cigars.

i am still a virgin.

i am happy that way, unless someone changes their mind. in which case i will be happy that way.

i had a crush on my cousin's wife. but who wouldn't.

it's not that i don't like black girls. it's just that the good looking ones don't like me.

i had 2 best friends. one is leaving.

i have been a jerk.

i have used people.

i have been used.

i hate track. really. i hate it.

for most of my Christmases or Birthdays. i haven't asked for anything.

i think i am smarter than everyone.

yes, everyone.

i don't remember most of freshmen year.

i have considered suicide.

i have nearly been arrested.

my best friends are from before high school.

the funniest ones are from high school.

my dad and i have grown further apart.

i miss the way things used to be.

i'll add more later. i think i have gotten myself in enough trouble.

i have kissed sisters. WIN!

i don't understand

there are alot of things going on right now.

most of them aren't good.

but its what i'm used to.

i wish you would explain.

instead of idk.

until then. i don't really see how i could face you

besides that. i'm coping pretty good...

though i am ttoo lazy to get out of the house

my dad never remembers to call.

once again, nothing new.

hmmmmm my car would be an improvement of life.

if i had somewhere to go.

rules for the new year:

no more fakes

no more games

no more liars

i can think of a few that fall under these categories.

stay away from me

THANKS!!! :D

fuck

life insists on kicking me in the nuts.

no blogs

in quite a while. almost two months.

this can easily be explained... especially if you have read anything i have written

i'm not a happy writer. therefore when i am happy, i have nothing to write about.

and soo far. i have been happy these past two months.

i am only writing this current blog out of boredom and time.

because i'm about to watch a movie, all by my lonesome.

i got a car

i got a girlfriend

i got a life

i got happy

life is good

you can suck it.